Trip to the Dumpster

So today as I was leaving my apartment, I checked my mail. Net Flix (check), bill (check), Junk Mail (check).
I headed straight to the dumpster with the Junk Mail. The junk mail was in the same hand as my keys. My keys made it to the dumpster, the junk mail didn't.

So great. I am locked out of my house and my car. My keys are in the dumpster and DD is standing with me. What are the options??

I had to climb into the dumpster to get my keys. The Dumpster had just been emptied. So I am standing in this mush that can only be bacteria, faeces and every kind of undesireable organism that you can imagine. I pick up my keys, also covered in this mush.

And then realise that it is a lot easier to get into the dumpster than it is to get out.
DD is standing there screaming. She is terrified that I am trapped in the dumpster forever. I am starting to panic....What if someone see me in the dumpster, what if I can't get out???? All of these questions.
Eventually I see a ledge that I can stand on and I manage to get myself out.

I was filthy! My keys were filthy, DD was petrified.

Note to myself...Hold my keys in a different hand than my trash!!!

Page Views

I have been getting about 100 page views a day but no comments of messages.

Please leave one. I would love to talk!!!

Visitation

Things have been very hectic for the last few weeks and I have not had a chance to post too much.

So in my last post I mentioned about the haircut that POS ex was giving to DD. Turns out he was lying and he was just trying to annoy me by saying that he did.

Since that time I have not spoken to Ex. He is an abusive person and I have had enough. I had also been paying his phone bill so I shut it off.

This works well for me as everytime I see him he feels the need to criticise my every action and to let me know how I am just not good enough.

The only problem is that DD asks for her father ALL THE TIME. I feel so bad for her. I keep telling her "Daddy is sick(well he is an alcoholic)".

What should I do? I am at a loss.

I would not mind DD seeing her father if it was at his sister's house but I do not want to talk to him to arrange anything. I feel like I have tried hard enough to figure things out. He never wanted to play along. Now I quit. I refuse to make anymore effort for him.

There!

First Haircut

My daughter has fine hair. She is only 21 mths after all.
I struggle with her on a daily basis about her hair.
She does not want to brush it.
She does not want pretties in it but I continue this struggle as I want her hair to be all one length and cute into a nice shape.

Sooooo I am so mad as I type this.
Her reeree dad decided that he wanted to cut her hair. He told me over the phone last night.
She is visiting with him. I expressed to him "DO NOT cut her hair. I have been trying to grow it out before it is cut. I am her mother I make decisions with her hair. I feel strongly about this and I do not want it to happen."

I got a text message this morning saying he cut her hair, front and back, himself.

WTF he is not a hairdresser. Who does that? I know it was to piss me off.

Well ya know what I hate to be petty and all but if you want to do things to piss me off I am pretty sure I can piss you off too!!! hahahahaha evil laugh.
He is going to wish he did not mess with me!

SEO

So SEO stands for search engine optimisation. I have been stressing out about getting my website Abuse Angels into search engines. Low and behold when I went to look at the stats this morning I see people have been visiting from google. YAY!

Please visit it too!

http://www.abuseangels.com

The Dentist

I don't so much hate the dentist as I am petrified of him (or her)!
When I was pregnant with my daughter ~2yrs ago I broke a tooth.
I have still not seen the dentist for this. I have had countless appointments but have not gone to any as I HATE the dentist.

I can't afford to get sick from a bad tooth so I have to go now.
Please wih me luck. I am soooo scared!

Abuse Angels

So I started a new website. It www.AbuseAngels.com
The name is for children who are now angels as a result of abuse from a parent, caregiver or loved one. If anyone would like me to add a story please email me and let me know.

I feel like I can hopefully raise awareness about child abuse and if it leads to one child being saved then I will be happy. I don't just want to sit back and do nothing about it.
It scares me that statistically speaking 4 children die everyday in the U.S from child abuse.
Anyways please show your support.

Oh No You Didn't

Oh Yes she did! DD woke up this morning at 4.40am. It is now 11.30 and she is going strong. No sign of a nap yet. My dad watched DD while I was in work last night. My mother has casually mentioned how my dad never changed a diaper when we were children. It seems to me that he doesn't plan on changing that. When DD woke up at 4.40am she was saturated! I guess you can't teach an old dog new tricks!

Sleep Deprivation

Due to a a lot of sleep deprivation I cannot really think of anything useful to say.
I started an adwords campaign today. I worked in the restaurant. That is it.
I am tired.

Seth Ireland

Poor Seth Ireland. He was just 10 years old. He died at the hands of his mothers boyfriend 1/8/09. His mother watched t.v as he begged his mother to rescue him from the heavy fists of her boyfriend. Imagine begging your mother for help and she ignores you?!?! The boy died not just in physical pain but emotionally he must have felt so unloved.
Another sad fact? He was on the CPS radar. Family members, teachers, neighbours all suspected the abuse. What happened? He died anyways. Tragic. This is too tragic and since I have started writing about these cases I have had a new one everyday.
WTH?? Why does this happen? What can we do to stop it?

R.I.P Seth....It should never have happened!

Sanam Navsarka

Another child. This is a problem.

Sanam died as a result of serious injury intentionally inflicted upon her young, helpless body.

She was 2 years old. It is another case of the mothers new boyfriend inflicting the injuries. I feel like there is a trend here!

When Sanam died she had fractures to all of her limbs.
She was frequently locked in a cupboard aven though she was terrified of the dark.
She was left on her own for hours at a time.

To add insult, the day Sanam died her mother had gone for a doctors appointment for herself.
She left Sanam who obviously needed the attention at home on her own.
It seems clear that Sanam's mother did not care about her own darling daughter.

Sanam's death is supposedly from fat embolisms entering her bloodstream. This is the result of a snapped thigh but she was found submerged in the bath.

This is horrendous and it has to stop.

New Website for Baby P

So I have been working all day today and I just made a website called www.rememberbabyp.com
I made this website as I was really affected by the death of Baby P.

Baby P was a 2 year old boy in England and he was killed after suffering from months of torture and abuse.
When he died the autopsy showed one of his teeth in his stomach.
He also had a broken back...A broken back, imagine that. The tips of his fingers had been cut off and his nails pulled out. The list goes on. Think about any child that you know and imagine them having to suffer through that.
I can't imagine how he must have felt. So unloved and unwanted. His short life had no quality.
To him it must have been a relief to die.
This breaks my heart into a million pieces and I think how I wish I could have done something to help him when he was alive.
Now that he is dead I do not think he should be forgotten. That is why I made the website. It is like a memorial to him.

R.I.P Baby P.


Baby P Tribute (Contains Images Some May Find Distressing) - Funny bloopers R us

A Drunken Regular

On Tuesdays I work the day bar shift in work.
Not a great shift but I'm not complaining.

We have this regular. He comes in between 3-7 times a week.
He is a RAGING alcoholic. I personally do not think he should
be allowed in anymore.
He is mid 50s. He is a millionaire. He drives around in a big Mercedes.
He buys drinks for everyone. He is still an alcoholic.

He arrived in to the bar today at 12 for lunch.
He was rip-roaring drunk. He ordered a glass of wine and a sandwich.
I allowed him the wine as he was going to eat.

I walked into the kitchen and the POS walked out of the restaurant.
He did not pay for his wine or for his food.

He is a millionaire...obviously money does not buy class.
I am a single mother....I am not a millionaire....


I had to pay for his wine and his sandwich!


the funny thing about it is that tomorrow he will probably not even remember he was in and walked out on his tab.
He will not remember that I had to spend a third of what I earned yesterday on his food and
drink.

Amora Carson

One of the most important things in my life at the moment is this huge and intrinsic urges I have to do something to help prevent and stop child abuse.

I cannot think of a worse crime than purposely harming and injuring a helpless infant/toddler. I think any (excuse the language) fucker that can hurt a child or allow harm to come to their own child needs to burn in hell.

In Nov a big case in the news was that about a toddler in England who was, to say the least, tortured to death by his mother's boyfriend, while his mother stood by and did nothing and helped to cover up the abuse.
When I read about this case I cried for days.
I am currently making a website in Baby P's rememrance. It is www.rememberbabyp.com .
I am not finished yet ut should be before the end of the week.

In my head I am thinking I cannot hear of such an horrific story for another few years.
Then I hear about Amora Carson.

"She was possessed by demons and as loving parents they did what any sane person would do in the same situation. They performed an exorcism.

But rather than use a Priest, a bible, a crucifix and a splash of holy water, they used what they had on hand. They used their fists, their teeth and a hammer. Jessica stood right by her man as he bit and chewed on her baby girl and beat her with various objects before settling on a hammer to bludgeon her to death, all the while screaming Jesus’ name.

After killing Amora, they were still not convinced the demons had left her body, so they gathered up some tools, and left little Amora’s dead and beaten body on the floor while they visited a pawn shop.

They claim they were going to use the money to pay for a professional exorcist.

It was on this outing that the Police were alerted, directing them to the home of Carson and Milam near Lake Cherokee on County Road 2152.

Russ County Judge, Bob Richardson stated, “When we got there the baby was on the floor of the bedroom…you’re looking at a 13 month old baby who has her head smashed in. It was gruesome.”

“The child had been beaten so much we couldn’t tell how many times she had been hit. And then she had more than 20 bite marks on her body.” said Lt Reynold Hunter."

I copied this story from www.pysih.com.

The way these stories make me feel make it obvious to me that the whole reason for me being here on earth is to try and prevent child abuse and to bring justice to the piece of shit devil incarnates that could do such horrific things to innocent little children that are 100% incapable of protecting or defending themselves.

Videos of the sick couple:

The Cinnamon Challenge


Blaine's Cinnamon Challenge


Blaine and his baby star.


This is the mothers photobucket account!
http://s155.photobucket.com/albums/s308/Jcredneckchic08/?start=all

The Holy Antibiotic

So from a previous post you may know DD has been sick fo ~1mth.
Doctors insisted it was viral....DD was not getting better.
Mother was tired from a sick and cranky DD.
Mother was tired from not getting a full nights sleep in weeks.

Mother brought DD back to the doctor for the 3rd time.

The doctor told me to give DD antibiotics (so maybe it is bacterial).
Now a week later DD is better.

Soooo maybe if I had given DD an antibiotic a month ago the torture of this past month could have been avoided. (I mean that from DD point of view because obviously she has been extremely uncomfortable).

Point of the Story: Don't always believe the doctor!!!!!!!!

Weight Gain

I feel like I have gained at least 20 lbs in the last two months.
The main reason, being that, I recently quit smoking. I quit using Chantix.
Anyone out there that is thinking about quiting and wants the easy way I highly recommend Chantix.
The biggest downfall is that in the evening when DD is sleeping, I used to smoke, now I eat potato chips. I love them. My favorites especially are Buffalo Kettle Chips.MMMMMMMMMMMMM.
I was, up until recently, working 2 jobs. I didn't have a lot of spare time. I did not want to spend my extra time cooking....so I went to McDonalds.

BAD MOVES. I swear I feel like I have started to waddle.

Starting today I am giving up McDonalds and Potato Chips(do pretzels count??)

I am also thinking about joining the gym this week.

I am setting myself a goal to lose 40lbs by June. That is approx 2lbs a week.

I will post a picture when I get down to my goal weight.

FYI I am 5'10 and 190lbs at the moment.

Roll on the summer...........

Waitresses are not all dumb....

I currently work in a restaurant. This makes sense for me as I can have my family care for DD.

Waitresses are usually looked down on. People think you are not smart when you are a waitress.

I have a degree in Biochemistry. I graduated 4th in my class. I am pretty sure I am smart.

I also earned +$600 in the last 3 days......

No waitresses are NOT all dumb....only a few are!!!

Making Money Online

Recently I have been thinking a lot about ways to make extra money.
-The main reason behind this is that BD has decided to stop paying child support.
I live in a very expensive state so it is very hard to survive here with a child on one income.
My daycare alone costs $270/week, rent is $1100/mth, car payment-ridiculously high..but I am in a lease that I took out when we were together.

I did have a second job for a while but working nearly 2 full time jobs does not leave for a lot of quality time with DD. She is my priority.

Another option is a job that I can work for home. Myself and every other mother in the universe would like to have a work from home opportunity.

The last option that I have been giving serious thought to is making money online.

I have made two very, very basic websites so far with the hope of generating a few dollars.

www.cheapmetstickets.com and

www.onlinecounsellor.info

The whole idea behind these sites is that someone will find their way onto the site and click an ad or click a link to one of my affiliate programs.
These are ways that I can make some extra cash online.

It is just a start but I have heard of people making over $1000/wk with these sites.
That would be awesome.
I am going to concentrate on $1/wk as my first goal.
I will let you know how it goes!!

Clean Home

Since having a toddler in the house I have given up on having a clean home.
I spent the early afternoon while daughter was napping cleaning the house.
It looked fab. So fab I wanted to take a picture....that is beside the point.
DD woke up from her nap, had a snack and then set out on her path of destruction.

It reminds me of entropy in the Laws of Thermodynamics.
Entropy is a measure of the disorder of a system. My daughter is a direct catalyst for an increase in entropy!!

She is attracted to what is neat and orderly, messes it up and then move on to the next area of neatness to wreck that also.

As I clean she follows behind me messing up.

As I type she is smearing yogurt on the coffee table.

This post is over as I have to run and get a rag.

MWAH

How to be Happy

I am happy. I am very, very happy.

A lot of people are not happy.

Society says that single mothers with young children and a tight budget should not be high up there on the "Happy People" List.



Friends, family and acquittances frequently say how much they admire my positive attitude towards life when my circumstances are so hard. They say that if they were in my position they would just crumble.

I always accept the praise (I love it...who doesn't??) but I do not need this praise. I do not need peoples praise to make me feel better about myself or to give me a sense of self. I find this from within.

In this post I am going to write about why I am happy.

I am happy because I am so grateful for what I have.
1.I have a happy, healthy, beautiful daughter.
2.I have a job that I love.
3.I have a home that I feel comfortable and safe in.
4.I have a car that is safe and gets me from A-to-B.
5.I have a supportive family.
6.I have friends whose company I enjoy.
7.I have a laptop and internet.

This is what I think about. Everyday when I wake up I feel so happy and thankful for what I have.

There are many thing that I don't have but I am not going to list them.
This is because what I have and am lucky to have is soooooo much more important.

It is very easy to spend a lot of time wallowing in the negative. It is easy to think about the things that other people have that you don't.
I recommend that you should try and recondition your thinking.
Make a list of the things that you have and are grateful for and read that list often.

Constanly Challenge Yourself
When I set myself a goal and work hard to reach that goal and finally reach that goal
it gives me such a great feeling of pride and self belief.
I know that if I decide I want to do something and focus on this I Can Do It!!.

What challenges do I set for myself:
1.I challenged myself to get a Teaching License...I studied very hard, passed the tests and now I have my license.
2.I challenged myself to learn how to make a webpage...I can now build a website from scratch (If you have any questions about this please let me know and I would be more than happy to share my knowledge)
3.I challenge myself to be the best mother that I can be EVERYDAY

As a person if we constantly strive to be a better person rather than to lie stagnant I believe this adds a lot to the inner feeling of well being.

Making Conscious Decisions
My life is not like a leaf blowing in the wind. I do not go back and forth with every whim. Make a conscious decision as to the direction that you want your life to follow.
Make a conscious decision about the type of person you want to be.
Sometimes it is better in the long run to take the harder route.
You will be a better person for it.

Tip fo getting a Toddler to take medicine

DD flat out refuses to take medicine when you try to feed it to her.

First its no,no,no,no, then she clenches her fists, shuts her mouth tight and wriggles like crazy. If you try and force it on her she spits it back out.

Yesterday I poured her antibiotic into one of those measuring thimble like cups and I left it on the coffee table. I said "there is your medicine, you can take it when you are ready". To my surprise DD drank the medicine and then came back and asked for more!!

I quietly chuckle to myself and feel like I have won the battle (this does not happen too often with DD)!

I miss sleep

I miss sleep. I know it is commonly said that you will never get a full nights sleep again once you become a parent.

I like sleep. I think it is important.

My daughter does not care about my sleep!
As I mentioned earlier she has been sick for the last few weeks. Everynight we go through the same ritual....Bedtime story....She goes to sleep in her crib.....approx 3am she wakes.....insists on coming to sleep in my bed....DD has a good nights sleep....I spend the night making sure she is safe.

If I try to get DD back into her crib she cries.
I am worried about this. DD used to hate when I wanted to with her cuddle in bed. Now it is what she wants.
There are a number of factors that could be influencing this.
1.We moved
2.She has her own room now
3.She is sick
4.She is just starting to realise that father does not live with us anymore.

I am just hoping that when the sickness is over she will go back to sleeping through the night in her crib.


Please keep your fingers crossed for me!

Finishing the Background Info

So when myself and BD were still together he was arrested for DUI.

He lost his license, his car and cost us thousands in court and lawyer fees.
After a few months he was sentenced to a fine and Drunk Driving classes. This was a pain!!

Skipping forward a bit..When we broke up I was working in a restaurant and that means working evenings. I thought it was best for my daughter if BD came over to the house and watched her there. For my daughter this worked well. She was at home with a parent most of the time. For me.....did not work so well. BD called me in work every 10 minutes and accused me of being in work and drinking, BD criticised the food in the house, the cleanliness and just about everything else you can imagine.
You are probably wondering why I let him in....well it is because I needed the help(or thought I needed the help) and I did not want DD in BD new home where he lives with another man that I don't know.

So the final straw in this whole situation is that BD had become good friends with a guy he met indrunk driving class. BD thought it was appropriate to bring this guy over to watch my DD with him in MY house.
I am not exaggerating about this but I got the WEIRDEST vibe from this guy like a pedophile, not good person type vibe. I was NOT comfortable with DD safety with this guy around. I told BD NOT to bring that guy near my house again he was NOT welcome.
One Saturday night I went to work and when I got home this guy was there. I was like WTH????? Don't put my daughter in harms way o you can have fun with your drinking buddy....when you are watching her.

The friend left, but BD was totally set off. He attacked me to the point where I thought he might kill me. DD was asleep upstairs at the time. I called the police. Since that night I have moved so BD does not know where I live.
He is not welcome into my home anymore. DD still sees him, he absolutely adores her...But he will NEVER set foot into my home again.

DCF

Ok so I am jumping ahead a bit with the whole story but this just happened so I want to add it.
The DCF have been involved with my life for the past few months as BD attacked me one night and the police were called. DD was in the house at the time so this indicated neglect by the father.
My caseworker just popped by to pick up my paperwork and let me know that the case is going to be closed.
I am so happy about this.
I know that I am not the parent that the case was opened about but I also feel that there is a certain amount of stigma attached to having the DCF/DSS involved in your life and looking at your parenting skills.

Ok I made a mistake

So I wanted to have the YouTube video on the side so people can look at vids if they like. (I think it may also make me a bit of money). But I made a mistake and it ended up as a post. Please bear with me on this one...I am relatively new to blogging.

Watch the latest videos on YouTube.com

Background Info

Here is a bit of background info about my Baby Daddy...lets call him BD.

I met BD when I was at a very unstable place in my life. Looking back on it I might have been depressed.I was drinking a lot and making very bad decisions.

Things progressed with our relationship very quickly and within 6 mths I found myself pregnant.
I struggled a lot with the decision of how to proceed. I knew that I wanted to keep this baby. There was an immediate sense of knowing that keeping her was the right thing to do.
BD told me he was not ready to be a father and wanted me to have an abortion. I come from an old fashioned Catholic family and I had such a huge fear of telling my parents. This also influenced me. Eventually I decided to do what I wanted and that was to have the baby.
I told BD I was going to have the baby. I alo told him that I was willing to do it without him. I told him to make a decision of whether he wanted to be involved or not.....He decided he did.

When DD was born we moved in together but BD did not stop his partying (BD is a horrible drinker! He would stay out all night, occasionally take drugs and often got in fights....right now as I type this he has a black eye and two broken front teeth).
I know this was not the type of example BD should be setting for DD but I decided I wanted to try as hard as I could to make things work for the sake of my daughter. I wanted her to grow up in a happy and loving two parent home.

I put up with all of this until BD became abusive towards me. At first it was verbally. He would call me all kinds of names and be as hurtful as he possible could. He would pick on things that already hurt me and really rub it in. Everything was my fault.
Next the physical stuff started. At first it was small stuff. He would throw things, spit on me, one time he threw a plate of Chinese food over me(when my friend was there....to add to the embarrassment).
The final straw was when he jumped on me and pinned me to the coach by my throat....He wanted to really hurt me....That is when I made him move out.

There is a lot more that happened after this but I will save that for later as I am tired typing!

My first entry!

Today I decided to start a blog about my life as a single mother with a young daughter.
My daughter is not quite 2 yet but she will be in a few months.
Life is definitely not easy but it is filled with a lot of joy.

My DD has been sick for what seems like the last month.
I have not gotten a full night sleep because she has been waking up every night. When she wakes up she will not go back to sleep unless she comes into my room or we fall asleep on the couch together.

We have been to the doctor 3 times and they keep telling me it is viral. That means bring her home and give her Motrin until it passes. This week the told me to start her on Amoxycillen. (Does that mean they have been wrong all along and it is bacterial or they are trying to pacify me by giving her medicine???)

I started giving her the medicine last night. Giving medicine to a toddler...well my toddler anyways is not pleasant. She flat out refuses to take it. If I try and force her to take it she ends up spitting it back up all over me and usually herself too.
My trick is to sneak it to her in juice or in a bottle..
DD was off the bottle until she got sick..... Now when she cries she cries "I want my bockie" a.k.a bottle.
Another thing she has been crying is "I want my daddy". This breaks my heart. It also makes me feel like I am not good enough for her.